A Letter To My 25 Year Old Self (Jennifer Fontaine)
Well Jen, I never thought I would write a letter to you that would be in this way … but that’s because this Jen has learned that there are some parts of you can be buried as time ticks by (so quickly), and for someone like you my biggest message in this letter back to you is this: trust the person you are at your deepest level. Don’t let the inner you be numbed, quietened or conformed to what you think life expects of you, or how you believe you should conform to suit other people’s vision of life. In your own life, stop making things harder for yourself but easier for those around you. You need to hold onto your dreams, your true spirit and ability to drive through your inner strength and focus. Just remember to not stress too much about the future, it’s all going to be okay.
You see, I have learned that your deepest happiness comes when you check in with yourself. Don’t divert your powerful gut radar to solely work things all the time (I will come to that point soon). It’s so important for a strong spicy woman like you to check in with herself and realize that putting your deepest wishes, love and self respect to second place and sometimes much much less priority than that, isn’t healthy. I would tell you that when you wake up out of effectively a 10 year personal coma, it will mean you will feel bad. It will mean you will feel guilty and it will mean you have to kick yourself in the guts a few times… and it will hurt. But don’t be scared of this because if you really stop and be in tune with yourself, you will shine. That’s your lesson here, you focused too much on work & didn’t check in with your personal needs. Shining by yourself for a while is good – it’s good because you have to teach yourself that being you – unabashedly you – IS great! Don’t worry about being judged, just live how you want. Be kind, be honest, be strong, be funny, be genuine, be soulful and remember to risk love if it’s there … in the varying forms; friendship or more. Please also stop finding company in people that need changing. Find solace in people who you can grow and find collaboration and support in life with, it’s less draining.
On a business front; you’ve done ok kid. But just know that in your field there will be a lot of fair weathered varieties and whilst this time is super fun and you need to experience everything, your relationships and work ethic are respected and will give you so much joy. There are so many quality people that will be in touch with you throughout your career and you will value them and learn from them each day. Learn the importance of balance and staying calm under pressure. You will evolve and realise that empowering other people will turn out to be your biggest joy, and there’s a part of you that will really enjoy being able to share your experience and be honest with the ups and downs – because people like that realness. Chase down opportunities and don’t be scared of failure and chance. Chance is key. Make sure you are strong at certain times and don’t let your loyalty be mistaken as weakness. It’s not. Loyalty is part of who you are, be proud of that trait. Your obsession with post it notes will last throughout your career. Your need to laugh and find the light in challenging times will also give you solace. Your son will be proud of you so try not to hold onto too much “working mothers guilt”. He loves you and thanks you often even if you are also the one who gives him some tough love.
Back to work: keep asking questions, remember that surrounding yourself with other talented people will always make you be better, and don’t forget to remind yourself why you got into this field. It was the joy and impact of music. Now use this experience to develop your business as the world and industry changes.
Your focus on family will never change, in fact, it will be their power that will help you through life’s hurdles. It’s also their DNA that wires you to be so determined. That said, it’s ok to be a little different. They love you unconditionally so perhaps speak up a little more about how you want to live, and what your needs are. Understand that guilt can be an anchor in life, so if things are not working but you feel like it’s disloyal to move on, it’s not. Some things do not necessarily last forever, and that’s ok. As much as you will have opportunities for more kids, it’s just a universe timing issue for you and perhaps a nature message that your body can only cope with so much drive and push. This is very hard to write (and will be hard to hear), but perhaps the higher power was stopping you because things were not right in your personal world and in your two serious relationships. Perhaps also you made the most perfect one child who is an old soul. It took that one soul to wake you up with the most powerful sentence ever directed at you, “Mumma am I not good enough?” You must learn to stop earlier with your plans that are not working out. You must learn to cherish the good outcomes and be satisfied. You must learn to open yourself up and share yourself. Good things will come always when you do allow people into your heart.
So Ms. 25 year old Jen, my deepest message to you is to just relax a bit and trust the process! When people approach you, be open to them. Not everyone will be a long chapter and that’s ok – they still imprint on your soul. You got this … just be you. There’s no one else on the planet that is Jennifer Fontaine. You ain’t perfect but you’re going to live, love, laugh and find a lot of satisfaction in what lies ahead. You’re forging an interesting life.
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